she is
by ReginaCaelum
Summary: Things fall apart, but they fall together. Lil' bit AU, TouRin oneshot


Disclaimer: disclaimed

YAAY more one-shots instead of actually updating _chaptered _stories. Sue me ^.^

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><p>She's <strong>six<strong> when they first meet, her eyes dominated by those onyx eyes and shyer than her sister, using her mother's leg as a shield. He's just a fifth seat at the time, a prodigy with progress to rival her brother's, who happens to be his captain. Mostly, the two genii train and banter, ignoring the fascinated dark-haired girl, but every so often teal eyes flash with mirth and the boy with white hair grins in her direction and her breath is _**stolen**_.

She's _nine_ when her brother disappears. After a year of searching and worrying and being on edge before someone gives up and they declare him dead. The boy with white hair talks quietly with her father, the new captain of the fifth division with him. She doesn't like him, though there's no reason; the glasses man just seems a little _too _concerned. But she barely pays attention to anyone at the time, too distracted by the grief that threatens to _consume_ her, enchanting eyes fixated on the piece of rock that is all she has left of her beloved brother.

She's twelve when he visits the Shino Academy and watches the girl who is no longer shy easily take down an opponent twice her size with her newly-named _zanpaktou_. Her limbs are too long for her body, the same as every student in her year, but she is nonetheless graceful. He nods to her sister, a brunette with a sweet smile and observant eyes before engaging the black-haired girl in combat. Although she's easily defeated, he admits that she is improving and she grins brightly.

She's **fifteen** when they kiss for the first time. He holds her strongly and gently and she goes soft and quiet in his arms. They both walk away blushing with lips tingling and hollow promises of never letting it happen again. Later, they'll call it an accident and a mistake, but they both **know**it wasn't.

She's _eighteen_ when the stress of school work and nightmare-induced insomnia and a splintering family with the sibling and child they all loved more than _anything_ drive her over the edge. He finds her frighteningly drunk, _screaming _at her brother's gravestone, _begging _him to come back to her. Then suddenly, she sinks to the ground, weeping as only a truly tired person can. He collects her in his arms and carries her home, saying nothing. And intoxicated with tears and exhaustion and alcohol she tells him she loves him just as she passes out. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how a shy, peaceful child became a beautiful, fractured woman.

She's twenty-one and they've been avoiding each other for three years, she too embarrassed to say anything and he still confused; she trains for _bankai _alone and he is elevated to vice-captain of the tenth.

She's **twenty-four** when she hits the growth stunt every soul does. Compared to her sister's willowy frame, short golden hair, brown eyes and sixth seat, she is slim with long black hair that is constantly tied back much like her friend in the twelfth, and large black eyes. And still, every time she **sees** his white hair and strong stature, her world feels like it's on **fire**.

She's _twenty-seven_ when _war_ breaks out, and the _bodies_ start piling up. He takes the captainship at the fifth when his sister is announced incapable after her captain betrays her while she takes the empty vice-captain's seat. Now they see each other too often and _pretending_ nothing happened is harder than it was when other people were between them.

She's thirty when her sister is killed providing medical attention on the battlefield. Rage fuels her; she attacks with selfless anger, heedless of the danger. Her troops and superiors and friends and family are concerned but she ignores their pitying stares and quiet whispers. A year later she breaks down in his arms after anotherbattle and all he can do is hold her as she sobs.

She's **thirty-three** when her brother returns, ridiculously powerful and expecting everything will be the same, only three years since her sister's death and maybe her parents can **forgive** and move on and get **closure** but it's too much too soon. So she ignores the new captain of the third like he never came back.

She's _thirty-six_ when she almost dies for the first time and in desperation, unlocks her _bankai, _which does nothing save buy her time until her captain arrives. The brush with the silver-haired traitor leaves her bleeding and numb and scared and not feeling powerful at all. It's only thanks to him that she gets to a medic in time. In thanking him, with empty eyes and pinched skin, he _admits_ what he should've said a long time ago. She gives him a true _smile_, the first in a long time.

She's thirty-nine when her father dies defending the Shino Academy. The news hits her like the stab that almost took her from the world. Instead of getting furiouslike everyone believed she would, she just…shuts down, simply too drainedto feelanymore. She fights but it is mechanical and uncaring. His heart breaks, watching his lover in such a state, unable to do anything.

She's **forty-two** when their leader falls. Panic spreads through the land like a virus, corrupting everything in its path. Someone takes control, she thinks, perhaps the other white-haired man she respects, the one who was like her second father. He plans now for one last stand, but everything is so **hazy** to her and she's too **wary** to be curious, knowing the **damage**emotions can do.

She's _forty-five_ when the attacks stop randomly. Absently, she _wonders _why he looks so strained when there is nothing more to _fight. _

She's forty-eight when the enemy attacks without warning, completely obliterating every defense in its path. He escapes with her, takes her to Earth. Other survivors do the same; they all try to blend as well as they can. She stays with him, because where else would she go?

She's **fifty-one** when his years of work pay off and the remaining members of the Gotei 13 and its exiles gather, her friends and mentors and all that's left of her family. They discuss and plan, she watches and waits.

She's _fifty-four_ when they're ready to strike back. Then she snaps; one thing leads to another and they fall into his bed with no space between them. It's desperate and _fearful_ and passionate and _far _too long _coming_.

She's fifty-seven and has been speaking more, although eighteen years of silence will never be replaced. Through guerilla tactics and infiltration and never _ever _giving up, they're close to finishing the war, but their numbers are small. She _worries _and _prepares_.

She's **sixty** when traitors fall, their armies flee, the portal closes. Their lovemaking is quiet and tender and everything the first time wasn't but just as beautiful. He **whispers**, we won, into her hair as they **sleep**_. _

She's _sixty-three_ and the rebuilding has begun. It's likely the army will never be as powerful as they once were, but they'll never stop. Sometime during the war, she must've _become_ a captain, because she _finds_ a haori on her back one day.

She's sixty-six and amidst the aftermath of the war, they get married. There is celebration and dancing and fireworks and joy and just a little bit of heartache as they remember everyone who should bethere.

She's **sixty-nine** when the official remembrance ceremony takes place. She _cries_ as the names of her father and twin are read; he bows his head in _memory_ of his captain during his time of the tenth and his sister who is now too _broken_ to be repaired. Others fell in the line of duty, like the pink-haired bundle of _mischief_ no one realized they'd miss until she lay next to her _father_; the scientist whose biological weapons allowed them to win but a man _no_ _one_ missed; both leaders of the seventh, who fell _defending_ their leader; the prideful captain of the sixth as he took one last blow _for_ his sister; the head of the second when she defended her _idol_; the bodies of the captain-commander and his lieutenant were _never_ found; the second captain-commander with white hair and a warm _smile_.

She's _seventy-two_ when recruitment finally restarts and helps welcome a shy redhead who reminds her of her sister into the fourth, grinning when she notices that her brother is staring. The next year her daughter is _born_ with golden hair and a melodic wail; a year after that she becomes headmistress of the Shino Academy, a position no one thought the shy yet brash child could ever come into. With all the change in her life she _allows_ herself to _forgive_ her brother, and they _start_ visiting the graves together.

She's seventy-four, has a job that keeps her active and safe with a perfect husband and beautiful child and healing family and rebuilding world and is happy_. _

**Karin** has _finally_ **found** peace.

Fin

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><p>So, this is my thought process on this piece: I've known this guy for, like, my whole life. And yes, I've had a<em> huge <em>crush on him since I was little. Something _might've _happened if our families hadn't had a fight, but as it is, nothing did and now it's rather awkward because I'm about as subtle as a space shuttle (i.e. not at all). Now, I started this piece thinking it'd be AU and a lot like how my emotions went every time I saw him, but it evolved into this. And I gotta say, it's not too bad.

Also, this format thing is sorta-kinda borrowed from Suk-Fong, who uses **bold, **_italics_, and underlining in a lot of her work. I got the idea from her. Did it work?

And to those of you who favorite instead of reviewing, it makes me want to punch you in the face. And trust me, you do _not _want some wacky Latina girl going apeshit on yo' ass. Yeah I went there :)

Review!


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